if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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