Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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