I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
