i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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