Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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