I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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