make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
