I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
