I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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