I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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