I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
