Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
