i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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