wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
