Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
