my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
