DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
