so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
