i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
