Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
