So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
