she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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