I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
