Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
