Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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