i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
