then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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