idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
