I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
