we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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