you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
