if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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