Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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