How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
