why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
