thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
