I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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