we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
