I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
