i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
