I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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