Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
