After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
