im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
