Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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