That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
3 2 1 whiskey
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
