I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
