I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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