one might say we're banned from that church
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
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I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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