After last night, I could never be a politician.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
