Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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