Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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