There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
