found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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