From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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