Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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