Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
