I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
