Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
