I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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