My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
