Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Come on in and take your pants off
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