Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
