Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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