I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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