i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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